Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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