Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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