Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
