Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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