9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
