I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize