just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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