How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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