I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
