You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize