my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
