He felt like a one man threesome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
