ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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