I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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