New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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