His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
