I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
