What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
