where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
