Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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