Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
God I need to hump something, right now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
