When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
