Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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