it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
even my farts smell like vagina
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
