Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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