put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
