pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
