Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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