We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
