I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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