i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
