OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
