I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
