when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
