Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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