What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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