i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
