there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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