i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
