dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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