She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
