I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
