I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
