First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
