i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
