Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
