I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
