Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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