one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
