First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
a search helicopter?!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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