You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
