Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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