I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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