I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
