I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
