Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
