My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
