Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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