So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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