I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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