we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
