So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize