Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
