How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
